My Fellow LA5ers,
I write to you today with a heavy heart. We are under attack! And no, not by the Trojans as I have always assumed, but by ANOTHER Rotary club. This is not a world I recognize any more – Rotarian versus Rotarian.
As your elected Secretary, I was inspired by VP Malinda Monterrosa’s efforts to get the First Five Clubs together to connect and thought I should visit other clubs as well. I saw it as my duty to spy on…I mean… engage with other clubs to see how they are handling the honorable work of service above self during COVID. Which is the reason for my recent visit to the Rotary Club of Downey. My innocent attempt at forging bonds between Rotarians has been twisted into a dark and nefarious plot to steal members from other clubs.
In The Hub Bub, Issue 33, Downey’s newsletter article “Visitor from LA5” states (if you don’t subscribe to Downey’s newsletter, you really should):
“We have it from anonymous sources(okay, it was the Rotary club of Bellflower) that Chrissy is part of a program by the LA 5 club to scout for local Rotary talent and induce prospective Rotarians to abandon their home club and join the prestigious LA 5 Rotary club. Inducement comes in the form of $20 signing bonuses, Target gift cards, and undefined “warm fuzzies.” The formula seems to be successful as LA 5 boasts a 7% membership increase since the program started.”
We all know they are obviously spreading insidious lies as one would never describe Adam Weiss as trying to get new members to join the club by doing that. He much prefers dazzlingly them at the California Club with a Vesper in hand and sending the reimbursement requests to our beleaguered Treasurer Darin Marinov. And if you have seen our budget, you will see no line item for $20 signing bonuses (mostly because it’s listed under “IT related expenses”, but don’t tell them that).
As every LA5er knows our Past President Alan Bernstein’s favorite thing to say is “Fight On!” So let’s fight on together during this difficult time and let those Rotarians know this will not stand.
As a side note, there may be some truth in the Downey newsletter…so for any Downey Rotary Members reading this, instead of Target gift cards, we – the oldest club in the district – can offer much more valuable inducements such as souvenir horse bridles from 1909, a mummified past president from the 1920s, or gas ration coupons from WWII. Oh…wait a moment…according to our Past President Marc Leeka, Downey already has a mummified past president whose name rhymes with “Mug Taker”. Well, the horse bridles are still available at any rate.
Fight On for your Fighting Irish!
LA5 Club Secretary
P.S. – Hey Rotary Club of Bellflower…snitches get stitches!